New York April 25, 1988
Dear Mother,
Dear Mother,
Some time in 1979, one of my cousins informed you that I died. He let you know the Khmer Rouge executed me in 1975-- just a few weeks after they took over Phnom Penh.
Please do not be mad at him for he told you the truth, mother.
The Khmer Rouge did pick me because I was one of their criminals. They sent me and many other Khmer families to one of their killing fields in Kampong Cham. They were to club me to death and bury me in a shallow ditch. My crime was either to believe in the Khmer Republican regime, to work for Lon Nol government or to be educated.
Mother, I knew you did not believe I died. You have hoped your only son--the youngest and the only one—was, one way or another, still alive.
My cousin said that you have turned to fortunetellers or spiritual leaders for help. One of the spiritual leaders promised you that I survived. Since then, you have kept your hope alive for many years. I, too, was hoping and praying that our family would survive the atrocity. Throughout those years, mother, I did not know you and our family have endured the killing field. I kept on sending dozens and dozens of letters into Cambodia seeking for you, for our family members, friends and relatives.
One day in 1988, I was overjoyed when I learned that you have survived and plus you finally received one of my letters along with pictures. However, my heart sank once I realized you could not see those pictures of your son and your grand children—Rojana, Darlene and Achariya. You have already been blind.
Regardless, everyday, while listening to the content of my letter read to you at bedtime, you would put our pictures close to your eyes. You would touch them softly and you would kissed them as if we were there hugging you. Then you would place all our pictures on your heart…
No one knew whether you were smiling or crying, but your tears of joy and pain rolled down your wrinkled face...
I love you.
Your son
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This letter was written in Khmer, but was never sent. My mother passed on before it could be forwarded. I never had a chance to see her until now. LOVE YOUR MOM!
May your soul rest in peace, Mom!
2 comments:
This is a very heart warming, yet sad tribute. You tried very hard to find and communicate with your family. Take comfort in knowing that you did your best and that your mother loved you.
Thank you Jane.
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